Youth Ministry Resources: Most people cringe at just hearing this expression because they’ve never experience it. They associate constructive criticism with endless, angry rants in which they get confronted with everything they have ever gotten wrong.
Constructive criticism.
Most people cringe at just hearing this expression because they’ve never actually experienced criticism that was constructive in any way. They associate constructive criticism with seemingly endless, angry rants in which they get confronted with everything they have ever gotten wrong. Yet constructive criticism is not a far-fetched concept, it’s an achievable reality if you just keep these three elements in mind:
Focus on behavior
Constructive criticism always focuses on behavior, not on the person. It also focuses on recent behavior, one incident at a time or if there’s a pattern, one recent pattern at a time. You don’t rehash old arguments and conflicts from months and even years back. Focus on the present, unwanted behavior.
That means you try and stay as neutral as possible in describing the behavior. Don’t add your own interpretation, don’t generalize (‘you always…’, ‘you never…’), but simply state what you witnessed someone doing, using your senses:
“I heard you whispering with Laura about it.”
“I read your email and you used some pretty strong words like idiot and dumb.”
Explain the alternative
Part of constructive criticism is that you tell someone how you would have wanted them to handle a situation. What was the desired behavior? Many people forget this step, they just tell a person what he or she did wrong and assume the other can draw their own conclusions. It’s important to be crystal clear however on how you would have liked the person to behave:
“We have a policy that we don’t talk about the leadership meeting with others. I want you very much to stick to that rule and not discuss anything with Laura.”
“I feel very strongly about delivering criticism via e-mail and I would appreciate you doing it in person next time. I don’t want you to send anyone criticism via e-mail, no matter how small the issue.”
Keep it short
Nobody likes to be on the receiving end of criticism, no matter how well intended or how well deserved. So keep it short. Think about what you want to say to someone and how you want to say it and deliver the message as to the point as you can. Wait for the other to respond, make sure he or she gets your point and leave it at that. Usually, a conversation like this shouldn’t take more than five minutes!
